19th October 2010

What have I done to you, that you hate me by now? I ask myself this question for a longer time. Well, do you hate me actually? For how long? Or have I always been a thorn in your eye? Or am I, since your daughter-in-law is pregnant? I have always been nice, always asked for everything and always said please or thank you. I like you, I like you all, just not her … and the bastard within her.
Was it so wrong, not to congratulate her? You said, you also think that she is devious. But you are happy, you love her … this devious bitch.

She takes your son to the cleaners. She lies to him. She kicks him out. And she lets herself fuck without any contraceptive. You said, that you find this shitty. But now you congratulate her for that… Why? Why are your thoughts different by now? And why are my doings and thoughts so wrong now?

You say, that I am bad for your son. Your reasons:

- Because of me, he has no time for his friends.
- He couldn´t go anywhere on his own.
- He never is at your spontaneous-parties. Surely because of me.
- I dislike all of his friends anyways.

And how is the reality?

 - When I lived in Duesseldorf he had four days per week to do whatever he wanted to. But he didn´t. Also I always ask if he wants to see me or not. And if he would say no, I wouldn´t be angry.

 - Next year (2011) there are four events where he would like to go to. Two of them at the weekend and two of them about a few days. I directly and without thinking about it, that he can go there of course. That he can also go where ever he wants to on his own, as long as he tells me early enough.

 - When you have one of your spontaneous-parties we are mostly away the complete weekend or at least in the evening. I have the thought, that you are planning that! And if he wants to be at a party of yours, he can tell me. But I think that he, just like me,  doesn´t enjoy the company of some 40 to 50 years old, whom you complain about because they drive home around 23 anyways. If you would arrange your spontaneous-parties different, e.g. like when you know that we hare at home, then we would be at your parties.

 - I like, except the stupid bitch, everyone in your family. And I also like all of his friends. Even if one of them is being a stupid butt every now and then. But of course you know better, who I like and who not…

I don´t know, what I shall say to you. You hate me. I have to live with that now. That you love deviousness I learned by now. Sometimes I thought about starting to be an asshole to your son, too. Just to forbid everything to him. To spend his money. To spoil your holidays. But no. That wouldn´t be myself. Compared with you I have always been real and honest….

I also started thinking, if I do hurt your son, just because I am together with him. We want to build up something. I think this is why you hate me. Because I take him away from you. But I didn´t wanted to do that actually. No, actually it was different. I asked him twice if we move together and he said no both times. Then he found this flat and he asked me. Yeah, this is what its like.

Well, if our relationship breaks, then I at least know, that I am not the women who broke his heart. That would only be you then!

Your “daughter” who still loves you …

19.10.10 17:32

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